“LONELINESS - That's My Life!”

Loneliness is a strange feeling everyone will have to suffer at one time or another in their life! But there are some strange souls who choose to suffer it all the time, like say, our "Shafeer" or "Jobin"!

I really did not know what someone would do when they feel lonely, until I started to feel this strange feeling some 8 years back!

It really started when my momma left us suddenly one day! I’ve still got that vague memory of that day in my mind! I was 9 years old and one day when I stepped inside my house after a long, tiring soccer game followed by the piano lesson, I saw Papa shouting at the top of his voice and momma was all in tears! She didn’t say a word back to my papa! I was so scared looking at her tears and I ran to her giving her a big hug, quite a huge one indeed! She gave me that one last big hug and all she said was “Anna, take care of Kenny! I’m leaving!” I didn’t actually realize at that time what she meant! I didn’t know that momma was going back to her country, the UK! She kissed me and my brother Kenny [now called as Jazzu] who was a 2 years old baby still and went inside her room. Then I saw her leaving in a cab to the Airport with a big suitcase full of her clothes. I thought momma was going for shopping or something. But momma never returned!

I started asking my papa when momma would come back and finish telling the bed time fairy tale series. All I got back as reply was a big silence, a sigh, a hug and a kiss on my forehead. From that time onwards I started to feel this strange feeling. When I go to bed alone without momma telling me those beautiful Cinderella stories, I would get this feeling. It actually made me cry sometimes and I just didn’t know how to get out of it!

My best friend Sam caught me crying at school one day when I was 13 years old and asked me what the reason was. When I explained how I felt, he said that it was the feeling of loneliness. He also said that if I got someone to love me as momma did, hold me as momma did, kiss me as momma did, and talk me to sleep as momma did, I will get rid of this feeling and it would make me happy again like how I felt when momma was around! I asked him whether he could do it to me. Sam said “No Lizzu, I can only be your friend, not your lover! Only your lover can take that loneliness off you permanently and make you feel happy in many ways!”

My quest started from that day! Who’s gonna take my loneliness away forever? Different people have made me feel in many different ways at different stages. But no one has ever made me feel like my momma did. Then I started to create a virtual world for me, online, where there was no risk of getting pregnant or anything even if I made love!

Three years back I thought it was my "Nishu" who was gonna be with me till the end! I flew down from Sydney to his country [India] with the hope of bringing him back with me to my country. Well he didn’t want to leave his family for me! I felt heartbroken for the first time in life, feeling lonely again!

"Zaami" came next and I thought he was the man! But "Zaami" had his own reasons when he left me heartbroken for the second time! Then it was "Azi’s" turn. But this time I was the one who said that our relationship wouldn’t work and suggested that we may stay as soul mates! But Azi was not ready for that and we broke up!

Meantime, many boys who saw me online [on Facebook, Skype, Yahoo Messenger and Orkut] and found me pretty enough to be their girl friend, proposed to me, which I have always rejected abruptly!

Then came "Rouf" who truly loved me, proposed to me which I accepted and became my Ikka! He made me feel special in every possible way under the sun with all his charm and love! After a long time of wooing and courting online on skype, ikka too disappeared one day due to certain unavoidable reasons, leaving me feel lonely again! I stayed offline for several months just to get out of the shock I got from ikka's disappearance!

At that time I got the close friendship of "Sharmila" aka "Charu" a bubbly lil girl from NewZealand and we started sharing everything, everyfeeling we had and every problems we had. We would call each other when we feel lonely and cry together over phone or gtalk! She introduced me to this wonderful group called OM[Orkut Malayalis] and together we started rocking in it! She too vanished oneday leaving me alone!

In OM, damn...! I met this perfect gentleman who totally swept me off my feet! Yes! "Shaneem - The famous RJ in their Radio Junction" He stole my heart! We started sharing about everything starting from music to my lonely feeling! But I couldn't express my true feelings to him, since he saw me as his special friend and never wanted to have me as his life partner! Whenever I try to express my feelings about him, my "Poocha", as I call out "Love you Poochee...!" "Shanu", always says, "No Pallikutty, I can't see you in that way, as my wife or anything! You are my special friend dear! I don't want to loose you for anything at anytime! I want to maintain this friendship until the end!" For the first time in my life I fell in love with someone and proposed and got rejected! So, we are still very "Special Friends - My Poocha and his Pallikutty" He is still my shooting star and I am his fallen angel...! When he is online, I feel like flying without wings! And when he goes offline, my loneliness starts killing me again!

My virtual world mates like my Poocha[Shaneem], Maamz[Shafeer], Chuppy[Jobin], Pranthan[Zamel], Thadyan[Riyaz], Maapz[Nishanth], Macha[Anoop], Kuttuz[Rohit], Ikhu[Shaikh], Jeechu[Rajeesh] or whoever it may be who make me feel happy in some way or other, when they are around, just fail to take away this feeling of loneliness from me permanently. Sometimes I call "Macha" or "Kuttuz" over phone and spend the whole night with them just talking talking and talking! I always know that I am killing their sleep time, but rather I would prefer to continue doing that than getting killed by loneliness!

Sometimes when I feel very lonely, missing my momma, I even ask my virtual mates to hold me tight and kiss me on my forehead like my momma used to do. Some of them [like "Maapz" & "Maamz"] refuse to do so because they are Indians and the Indian culture doesn’t allow them to kiss a girl who is not their wife even on their forehead! But some of them [like "Chuppy" & "Thadyan"] do kiss me on my forehead whenever I want them to, which makes me float in the clouds! Some of them [like "Kuttuz" "Maapz" & "Macha"] give me their shoulders to just lean on and cry! Some [like my "Poocha"] don’t even let me touch them! Sometimes I try to kiss them with the hope of getting one back and miserably fail and feel broken, depressed and lonelier than before!

By this time, I have worked out that permanent relationships online don’t work very well! Your virtual world mates give you a temporary feeling of love which doesn’t stay very long in your mind. You always feel lonely when they go offline and your heart sinks and drowns into the pool of loneliness!

And now I have also come to understand how lonely hearts can sing, dance and talk with imaginary people around. We are never alone. We are always surrounded by golden memories of happiness and sorrows. Our time is not enough to spend with those imaginary people around.

At this moment standing alone in the balcony listening to the story of the breeze coming from the nearby trees, I notice that my lovebird is alone in her cage as her lover died due to some unknown reason, a couple of days back! She survived and now is all alone in her cage. I look at her painfully knowing the fact that it is better to die than to be alone!

“LONLINESS KILLS...!!!”


By - Lizza Shannon

Name less story

Introduction:

As usual Julie’s mom is BC in getting ready to go to office but she almost takes 2hours for completing her make up were J will be waiting for her mom to go to school. She was in12t. Her mom thinks that’s the only responsible of a mom drop her to school and pick her back. Her Dad is manager in a reputed company were he will be always in a biz tour with meetings. That day dad came back after the tour and taking rest. J was good in academics and so brilliant but not talkative but helping minded girl She always keep a distance btw guys. And she had lot of friends but never close to anyone. No one knew with whom she was close; she was the same to everyone. She was fair but not good looking but had a special grace on her face. She got monthly 500 as her pocket money since she dint have anything to do she saved it. She was so creative and use to do lot of handicraft works even knew to stitch.

Gladinson is cheerful, broadminded, active, energetic and intelligent and a decent guy. Very talented too, he was good in almost all the musical instruments like piano, guitar, flute, drums. He was good in sports. Friends were his full inspiration. He never bothered what others thought about Him. But did what was right .He is craze in gadgets and so he bought lot of gadgets. His dad and mom were always in biz tour. Without his mom His dad never goes anywhere. And they never bothered about him because they are BC. And so he loves going to school to spend time with friends. His best buddy was Tuttu always cracked jokes and every time will be having something on his hand to eat. He opens mouth either to crack jokes or eat.

Tuition Class:

As usual they both go to school, come back. J will be coming with her mom from school and G will be coming with His friends. After that they go for tuitions, they both were in same tuition but never knew each other & never bothered also. Since G is very cheerful, witty and cool guy He was a subject for girls. Girls use to wait for him near his house so they all go together .Before the tuition starts they will all be gathered under the building as a group and had fun. If J sees any guy standing nears the entrance she would take the other entrance which was far away and though her building was opposite to the tuition building.

Like that once, that day the weather was awesome, J got down her building she was about to cross the road to go for tuition; G was standing inside the building. A family was coming from far away; a dad, mom daughter and a son after the shopping. They were happy , cheerful teasing each other ; daughter said something, dad said something back; she complained to her mom that time her brother was about to fall she suddenly caught him, they was coming near the building entered inside. J was watching them very curiously and followed them she dint knew G was standing. she felt some pain and her eyes was filled with tears and followed them G also notices that family, he minded them with a big smile but it was like something coming back which he never wanted to think about he dint knew his eyes was filled with tears. Some friction sudden there tearful eyes met. That was the most unexpected situation in there life as if something disclosed what they were hiding something inside for a long time were knew one know or don’t want to disclose to anyone but felt the same pain. That time tutu came she goes away. Tutu noticed some unfamiliar changes on his face.

They Dint know each other why that happened But trying to find it without anyone’s knowledge in there own dreams. Since G was curious to know about it he came early that day to tuition. Poor tutu and those girls was still waiting for him G dint inform them. J saw him standing inside the building G stood as if he dint see her. Tutu was worried and called him he said he came early. Tutu was angry as well as happy because he can be the hero and come with those girls.

There relation continued like this knew one know or ever imagined because there character was like that. They never talk to each other but only the contact of the eyes was enough for them. Once for few days She dint see him, she was worried than anything she never felt this before. Her studies didn’t go well. She was totally pissed off.

They thought that this relation was not noticed by anyone but tutu noticed some changes in G and so he was carefully watching .Once when they came for tuition T asked about J. he acted as if he doesn’t know her. So T said he is going to do some fun with her. His expressions suddenly changes he dints want to show that and try to change. But T Goes and speaks to J her expression also changes G notices for a while he try to avoid it he try to show some gestures to T he acts as if he didn’t c, G’s control will go and starts to shout on T , T was shocked and with his full courage he answers back That scene was a shock for the whole people over there He caught her hand “Tutu! Now have u got guts to do anything on her. If u doesn’t know she is and will be my future even if she denies I don’t care. But she will be mine or else let she deny that…………………………….J is left alone all people stares at her like a person who did a great mistakes. She didn’t know what to do…………………..


For few Days he was not seen anywhere tuition nor school, He was feeling regret for what he said. Without her permission , thinking what was her situation after that did any others felt any bad impression about her because of him thinking a lot………….
In Between T is trying to find G, she is also is great tension without knowing about him anything ……….that night she couldn’t sleep at last someone own her someone captured her from her nightmare .But were is he? What happened to him? Did he say simply for Fun? Am I good for him? Etc…………. at last T talks with J she has to do something she should be bold. She opens her heart in front of T…she agrees to what he said. He was shocked because he couldn’t find any word to say.

T finds G near the beach………………….he shouted at him a lot for first time .that day G understood how much he loved His Best buddy……..he listens to him what T says and starts to walk with him ………….try to meet her ……….he couldn’t find her then came to know she was sick for almost a week since the day he was missing he felt so sad wants to meet her say sorry but no contact nothing he had .at last she came for tuition she looked pale, as if she was not well for more than a month after the tuition he force fully stopped her and talked to her……they themselves didn’t know what they talked but keep on talking, about that day .about that family….they talked to each other as they knew each other for so long ..At last he said her to go to home. He was so protective about her…..They started to talk, but controlled a lot…they always wanted some differences in there relationship comparing to the other.


His Mother’s Birthday:

His moms birthday was coming up…He never bothered to celebrate because they never care for him they come, ask how r u? And gives some advices and again goes back to there routine. He dint really wanted to do it but then also he wanted to introduce his Bff to his parents so arranged for a surprise party they came there telling some lie hey tried there max to avoid but then too he made them to come for that> his mom never knew her have organized a surprise party so J was there along with him for most the things at last he introduced her for his parents they never minded that much because there son was also like other boys …..Unexpectedly her mom was also there in that Hotel she had some gathering. She Caught J red handed. Her mom made it worse she thinks what she do is right. J dint knew what to do. Her Mom made it a fuss. His Mothers birthday became the worse day .His parents also got into a worst situation. Her mom was keeping on blaming His parents. They were bold in there relation & she was more smart now. Her Mom made problems in the school. Now almost everyone came to know. J got pissed. Her mom cursed her lot she will not become anything she is that etc…Her Dad came to know about this and was shocked , her mom and dad got into fight because of this they put blame on each other…

Unexpected ways:

The situation was going worst she went pissed and screamed at her mom. Her Mom threw her out of the house .J dint know what to do. She called G. his parents was also there he said the problem to his parents they were not allowing him to go out of the house T came and took her to one of his aunties house were spinsters stay. That day he hates his parents the most. He climbs down threw window. He goes to her (some sentimental situation). Coming to know that she don’t have anything to wear And that day she dint go to school. Still His parents think he was there in that room. Morning after her mom left they come home takes all the things her books dress and savings. He too does the same he stays with T saying his parents are not there and the maid is also not there.

Next they dint know what to do next day they both dint go to school they never expected a situation like this they should do something after few more months there its there board exam lots to study they need to survive they cannot continue living with her saving. Near by an old man passes for quite some time he was noticing them. He felt some confidence in them as never before. He enquires there problem. With a small smile he gives them two options either they should go back or they should take it as a challenge they should show there parents there love was true and so with out there help also they can achieve there own dreams and they should able to bring back there parents together after they become success after all both the parents have got single children.

Money was the main barrier in front of them. J decides to take tuitions for small children’s and started to stitch clothes for others since she was very creative She did the work with passion. G started to teach kids the instruments and did programs first he dint get chances at all but after that he never looked back. They saved all money. There exams were coming up since they dint go for many classes there friends help them to complete there notes and HW and in the midnight they study. They met only once in a week if that also not possible they always made a call at least once in a day. Some how they adjusted there rent and others help them a lot. Then too they tried to stand on there own feet. When models came since they could hardly pass they was in high tension how ever they wanted to make it a success. They decided not to work for few days and will study they work hard .on those days every day morning they met when no one was there .there exams started the only exams they both together was Math’s.That day they were considered the most adorable love birds who work hard for each other. They never regret for what they are now but they was happy that they were together

Exams got over. She wanted to go for medical but there situation didn’t allow her go for that. Then too he wanted to send her. He collected the materials for the entrance exam. But He can’t allow her to go to India and so decides to talk to her parents. He went and talked to her parents he gets so much of blame from her mom. But still her dad helps her to get admission. And he was put as the local guardian. He wanted to trial them how they are going to reach success. In between his parents also try to make problems but never succeeded. G tries many things in between. He got good job as the sales coordinator. J learned graphics from one of her room mate. J helped her and got commission/ they never wasted there money but had everything they wanted. Even though the BC schedule made them tired there single call in a day made them happy and energetic

AFTER 4 Years ……………………..


One of the biggest biz associations annual function has been organized the main Guest were internationally successful biz peoples and there representatives. From the group few business peoples were selected and honored like Best entrepreneur of the year, best Company, best Biz personality, etc for the function both there were parents were there. Even though two families knew each other they ignored and one of there common friends introduced them they couldn’t exchange a word. He felt some weirdness and he left. Function started J’s dad gets the Biz personality award And G’s dad was one of the main guests. At last The Young Biz man of the year was announces who work hard to start a collection of new gadgets which was youngster’s favorite shop. To give up this award G’s dad was called up. He came. The name was announced he was shocked and never ever expected But it was none other than his own son Mr. G now the handsome and the same cool looking boy. He comes along with the elegant lady Ms. J they were not married yet together in all there circumstances. J’s parents stood up among the audiences that much it was equally shocked as the other. He collects the award from his dad and makes a statement. “Now here I am standing front of u holding this award it was my lucky star that make me to reach till here today this all happened because of taking up a challenge and wanted to prove our love it was for nothing else. We never wanted to be bigger than our parents but we needed each other ands so reached till here so I like to call upon our parents to the stage. V request to come upon the stage”
DO U STIIL WANT US TO DEPART!!!!!!!!!!! WAITING FOR UR BOTH APPROVAL…………….PLZ BLESS US

Love is Divine!!





What is LOVE…?
As far as I know I have believed that love was something divine as it came directly from God and it can’t be evil. I have always thought that it was a beautiful feeling which would make you fly in the sky without any wings!
But on the contrary what I have found out in real life is that my whole concept of love was wrong or is might be that there is another face of love which is evil....!!
Love is painful…! It hurts you a lot when you give it to someone dear and don’t get it back! Or when someone loves someone deep from the heart and the other just pretends to be a lover without any real feeling - that is something very hard to accept.
Sometimes it so happens this way: You see me and find that I’m pretty and nice to talk to or chat with, you just fall in love with me! You don’t even know my name or who really I am! But you start saying “Lizzu I love you!” Do I take that as you love me truly, madly and deeply just by the look of me? Or is it just another way to get my attention towards you?
At this juncture I’m just confused about love…! My circumstance gives me enough examples to give reasons to hate it now.
Well, I love you from the bottom of my heart and you know that! But when I miss you and when I feel that you don’t miss me at all, I cry out that I HATE YOU!!!
Love and hate - two opposites!! But how on earth they are often used together??
I don’t know!! I really don’t know!!

All I know is that -"I’m totally confused about love now!"
When I’ve got enough reasons to hate love, there is an another side of me that is gently whispering in my ears that
"Love is divine!"


الحب الالهي!

ما هو الحب...؟
بقدر ما أعلم انني قد يعتقد أن الحب الإلهي كان شيء كما جاءت مباشرة من الله وأنه لا يمكن أن يكون الشر. لقد اعتقدت دائما انه شعور جميل من شأنها أن تجعلك تحلق في السماء دون أجنحة!
بل على العكس لقد وجدت ما في الحياة الحقيقية هي أن مفهومي الحب كله كان خطأ أو قد يكون هو أن هناك وجها آخر من الحب الذي هو الشر....!!
الحب هو مؤلم...! إنه لمؤلم لك الكثير عندما كنت تعطيه لشخص عزيز وليس الحصول عليها مرة أخرى! أو عندما يقوم شخص ما يحب شخص عميق من القلب والآخر يدعي لمجرد أن يكون محبا من دون أي شعور حقيقي -- وهذا أمر من الصعب جدا قبوله.
أحيانا يحدث ذلك بهذه الطريقة : أنت تراني وأنا وجدت أن لطيفة وجميلة لاجراء محادثات مع أو الدردشة معه ، انك تقع في الحب فقط معي! كنت لا تعرف حتى اسمي أو الذين حقا أنا! ولكنك تبدأ قائلا "Lizzu أحبك!" هل لي أن أعتبر أن كما كنت تحبني حقا ، بجنون وبعمق فقط من خلال نظرة لي؟ أم أنها مجرد وسيلة أخرى للحصول على انتباهي تجاهك؟
في هذا المنعطف ابن الخلط لتو عن الحب...! ظرف يعطيني أمثلة كافية لإعطاء أسباب الكراهية لذلك الآن.
حسنا ، أنا أحبك من أعماق قلبي وأنت تعرف ذلك! ولكن عندما اشتقت لك وعندما تشعر بأنك لا تفوت لي في كل شيء ، إلى أن أبكي أنا بكره لك!
الحب والكراهية -- وهما نقيضان! ولكن كيف على الارض وغالبا ما تستخدم معا؟
أنا لا أعرف! أنا حقا لا أعرف!

كل ما أعرفه هو أنه -- "أنا مرتبكة تماما عن الحب الآن!"
عندما كنت قد حصلت على ما يكفي من الأسباب لكراهية الحب ، وهناك جانب آخر من جوانب لي أن تهمس في أذني بلطف أن
"الحب هو إلهي